Friday, December 16, 2011

My results from visiting Dr. P at SB&J yesterday....

My appt was at 9:15.  I signed in at 9:10, I'm not arriving any sooner 'cause they aren't on-time so why should I be?!  And the wait began....

The wait, well let's just say I got about 2 hours of work done in the waiting room.  Then I was called back into the room, and opened my lap top to begin my wait (again!) and in walks Dr. P.  My jaw almost hit the floor; one, because he was fast, and two, because he was GORGEOUS!

He started asking questions, I answered, he immediately found my bad right knee (not what I was there for, but he was so concerned because he couldn't figure out what was holding the knee together, laugh), then he was kind and didn't probe on my neck (thank you Dr. P!) and ordered an MRI for next Thursday on both the neck and knee.  NO RUNNING and NO STANDING ON YOUR HEAD IN THOSE YOGA POSITIONS he said, not until we see the MRI.  I laughed, told him not to worry about standing on my head, I can't do that anyway.  He smiled, I know I was drooling!

He told me I could do the stationary bike, rowing machine, and try some weights, and yoga, but no pushing though any discomfort.  (You push through the discomfort in yoga, but not the pain, so now I'm suppose to reach the discomfort and stop, ok, I'll try that....)  I laughed, I told him I couldn't do weights 'cause they hurt my hands/arms from the arthritis and fibro.  He said I was too young for all that, I agreed and asked him if he'd like to speak to my rheumatologist?  He said seriously, I said as a heart attack.  He backed off, and it's a good thing he did, I'm touchy about that.  I may look healthy on the outside, but live in my body one day and you'd take almost drastic measures to end the pain!

I was getting ready to turn on the charm when he rolled his chair back and said, you didn't come in here for this, but let me help you.  I know runners carb load, so stop carb loading.  I said, I have not loaded since the wreck, no need in it, no running, no need for the energy.  He said no carbs then, it will help you pull off the weight while you're sedentary, exercise doesn't make you lose weight.  Ok, I know that statement should've sent me running the other way, but dang he was cute and I needed that MRI on my neck 'cause I need to run again, I just laughed, because if he knew how much weight I had lost because of exercise, he'd change his mind. And I have to remember, different strokes for different folks and this folk believes in exercise!

Anyway, back to the charm, he said, I eat no carbs during the week but on Sunday I eat whatever I want with my kids.  GOD!  He had to bring kids into the equation.  No charm for him!  And I was so hoping....

Then like that, he was gone and I was on my way downstairs to set up the MRI appt.

One day, one day, maybe, I'll find that someone I can turn on the charm for and it will work...laugh.

Until Thursday though, I have to continue to deal with the neck pain and constant headache...say a prayer for me, it's taxing - mentally and physically.  I'm really exhausted from hurting 24/7.

Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

In memory of Teresa Maye Stewart....

Final good-byes are always hard, especially when it's someone you were close to, and you grew up with, and the memories are so vivid, it's as if they happened only yesterday.

I see Teresa's smiling face every time I close my eyes, or stop and think about her. Or when I do something that brings back a memory.  Of all the family I've lost, for some reason Teassie is staying with me.  I'm not sure why, and I sure can't explain it, but I feel her.  On some level it's very erie, but then I remember to use my spiritual eyes and know it's okay.  When I think about her, tears fill my eyes, both out of happiness for her peace with God and sorrow because I miss her and all of her quirkiness.

Teassie lived with her pack of 12 German shepards, and made sure she saw her mother every day (or at least spoke to her).  She protected herself from this world as best she could, especially after having men she loved beat on her.

She helped every one she could, even when they stabbed her in the back (and even when she knew the knife was coming, she still helped) hoping she could be a light and they would change for the better.

She never met a stranger, and I mean NEVER!  She was a Ravencraft with a mouth, and the Long (her father's last name) was only seen in her facial features.  She only ate chicken breast when we had chicken and we always saved her one because she was always late for the gathering due to working or helping someone.  She always wanted momma to make potato salad and she would grab the bowl and run, laugh.

This time she wasn't late, and I ate more chicken breasts than I care to admit in her honor (and I don't like white meat from a chicken, too dry, laugh).

Her IQ was higher than anyone I ever met, literally.  She finished high school at 16 and was teaching the teachers, she could've been anything, anyone she wanted to be, yet she stayed close to her momma, as all of us Ravencraft's tend to do.  We won't be too far from our family, if we can help it!

I could go on and on, but you'd have to know Teassie to understand what I write, and I could write a book.

God knows I miss her, more than words or actions can say, but knowing her life, I wouldn't call her back for nothing in this world.

Death is final, in this life, but memories are forever!

I hope and pray she never leaves me.  I would be honored if she was the one to walk with me to the other side.

I love you Teresa!

Friday, December 2, 2011


I've only heard of people shutting down when they are in pain, but I've never experienced it before, with all my ailments, until this very moment I literally feel my body shutting down.

The pain in my neck and left arm are so debilitating that I'm not sure how to stop it.  I've seen the chiropractor, I've taken all the meds I know to take and still the pain is so ever present.  Sleep is hard to come by when this happens, and that makes for a very long work day.  So much so that I find myself fighting sleep as I work, and worried I'll miss something and mess up because of my lack of focus.

I can't help but say "Why me? Why now?" and yet I know there are no answers to such foolish questions.

In the famous writings of King David, Psalm 30:5 (KJV) - "...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

I'm waiting for my morning....

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Lady Gaga

I love Lady Gaga.  

Let me explain.  I love her music, well most of it.  I'm not really sure what she stands for, but that's not why I love her.  I love her because I love how she scandalizes people with her appearances.

I've seen interviews with her and still do not know what makes her tick.  I think it's all a show, but who knows, sometimes people are just as weird as their music.  

I think she's capable of pulling off anything and getting away with it.  And I think those who do not like her, do not like her because, secretly, they wish they had the nerve to do what she does without worrying about ridicule.

I watched the grammy's last night, well not really, they were on because I wanted to see what she did on stage, so as they were going on, I was reading "Until Tuesday" (excellent book btw!).  Then up popped LG and I stopped reading and turned up the volume.  I do not know what song she was singing, as I watch the singers mouth to understand them and I couldn't see her mouth from the make-up, which was cool - the make-up. After her show, I turned off the tube and continued to read until about 10PM (very unusual for me, but my neck was hurting and I couldn't sleep, so I read).

Usually I find artist like LG too weird or out of my 'moral system' to even entertain the thought of 'following' them, but I have every cd LG has put out, thanks to my brother-in-law, and I listen to her when I run, so yes, I admit it, I'm a Lady G closet fan.

And with that, I'll close my rambling...I just had to let those who missed LG last night, know you missed another weird performance, laugh.

Go Lady G!